if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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