Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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