I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
