fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
