DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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