Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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