Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
