was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
