You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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