She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
