just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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