Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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