my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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