that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
