I think im going to throw up on grandma
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
