ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
