I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
