i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
