I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
