I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
