You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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