3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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