I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
