he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize