thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
