Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
