Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i drank out of a bidet.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
