So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
