well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
