Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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