would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
