She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
