Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
