Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
