Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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