I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize