you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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