You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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