She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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