Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
