Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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