I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize