fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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