I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
