Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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