Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just blew my weed a kiss
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
