I think scott just propositioned me for sex
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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