I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
