Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
