I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
