We're like a lot better than the average bears
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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