I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
