P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
