Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
