I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
