Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
