You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
