Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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