i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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