i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
