If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Couch. On fire.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
