It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
