C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
