i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
