The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
