After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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