so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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