Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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