So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
