watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
