Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
