Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
